MARRIAGE KILLERS

When God finished each of His other creations, He said, “it is good”!. When He finished making the man, He said, “it is not good”. That is the creation of mankind was not perfect yet, God was not finished until He made the woman and constitute marriage to put ends to loneliness. God knows that marriage is good and that is reason why He designed it while many people take it with levity and allowed devil to destroy what God have designed by Himself.

My advice to young couples is simply this: Don’t permit the possibility of divorce to enter into your thinking. Even in moments of great conflict and discouragement, divorce is not the solution. It merely substitutes a new set of misery for the ones left behind.

Guide your relationship against erosion though you were defending your very lives. Yes, you can make it together. Not only survive, but you can keep your love alive if you give it priority in your system of values.

Any one of the following evils can rip apart your relationship if given them place in your lives:

Over-commitment and physical exhaustion

Beware of this danger. It is especially insidious for young couples who are trying to get started in a profession or in school. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house and start a business at the same time. It sounds ridiculous, but many young couples do just that and surprised when their marriage falls apart. Why wouldn’t it? The only time they see each other is when they are worn out! It is especially dangerous to have the husband vastly over committed and the wife staying home with a preschooler. Her profound loneliness builds discontent and depression; we all know where that leads. You must reserve time for one another if you want to keep your love alive.

Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent

Pay cash for consumable items. Don’t spend more for a house or car than what you can afford, leaving too few resources for dating, short trips, baby-sitters, etc. Allocate your funds with the Wisdom of Solomon.

Getting married too young

Girls who marry between 14 and 17 years of age are more likely to divorce than those who marry at 18 or 19 years of age. Those who marry at 18 or 19 are likely to divorce as those who marry in their 20s. The pleasures of adolescence and the stresses of early married life do not mix well. Finish the first before taking on the second.

Interference from in-laws

If either the husband or wife has not been fully emancipated from the parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers and fathers to grant; close proximity is built for trouble.

Unrealistic expectations

Some couples come into marriage anticipating rose-covered cottages, walks down primrose lanes, uninterrupted joy. Counselor Jean Lush believes, and I agree, that this romantic illusion is particularly characteristic of American women who expect more from their husbands than they are capable of delivering. The consequent disappointment is an emotional trap. Bring your expectations in line with reality.

Pornography, gambling and other addictions

 It should be obvious to everyone that the human personality is flawed. It has a tendency to get hooked on destructive behaviors, especially early in life. During an introductory stage, people think they can play with enticements such as pornography or gambling and not get hurt. Indeed, many do walk away unaffected. For some, however, there is a weakness that is unknown until is too late. Then they become addicted to something that tears at the fabric of the family.

This warning may seem foolish to my readers, but I’ve made a 25-year study of those who wreck their lives. Their problems often begin in experimentation with a known evil and ultimately end in death —or the death of a marriage. The restrictions and commandments of Scriptures were designed to protect us from evil, though it is difficult to believe when we are young. The wages of sin is death” Romans 6:23. If we keep our lives clean and do not permit ourselves to toy with evil, the addictions that have ravaged humanity can never touch us.

There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers

 A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. There will be friction, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate marriage every time.

Space invaders

I am not referring to aliens from the planet Mars. Rather, my concern is for those who violate the breathing room needed by their partners, quickly suffocating them and destroying the attraction between them. Jealousy is one way this manifests itself. Another is low self-esteem, which leads the insecure spouse to trample the territory of the other. Love must be free and it must be confident.

Business success and Business failure

It is almost as risky to succeed wildly as it is to fail miserably in business. The writer of Proverbs said,“Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread” (30:8). It does bad things to men, especially. Their agitation over financial reverses sometimes sublimates to anger within the family.

These are the marriage killers I’ve seen most often. But in truth, the list is virtually limitless. All that is needed to grow the most vigorous weeds is a small crack in your sidewalk. If you are going to beat the odds and maintain an intimate long-time marriage, you must take the task seriously. The natural order of things will carry you away from one another, not bring you together.

How will you beat the odds? How will you build a solid relationship that will last until death takes you across the great divide? How will you include yourselves among that dwindling number of older couples who have gained a lifetime of happy memories and experiences? Even after 50 or 60 years, they still look to one another for encouragement and understanding. Their children have grown up in a stable and loving environment and have no ugly scars or bitter memories to erase.

That is the way God intended it to be, it is still possible for you to achieve. But there is no time to lose. Reinforce the river banks. Bring in the dredges and deepen the bed. Keep the powerful currents in their proper channels. Only that measure of determination will preserve the love with which you began, there is very little in life that competes with that priority.

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